Posts tagged ‘Life’

Self Sabotage: The Perfectionist Defense

I’m an introspective person and love to learn my strengths and weaknesses. Awareness is how you grow into the person you’re supposed to be.

Which is why, after 2 days of uncharacteristic laziness, I started to search inwardly.

I am supposed to be writing seriously and sending books off to publishers. I have the time, the tools, everything is in order, so what’s the hold-up?

The road block is me.

I’m the person who’s the motivator. No one else is going to do the research for me. No one else is going to print the manuscripts. No one else is going to send the queries.

I’ve put in all of the work. This is the moment, I’ve been looking forward to. This is the easy part. So why can’t I find the energy?

I’m a self-sabotager.

We all have a tendency to run from things that scare us. Some of us are scared of failure, so we never start anything. Some of us are scared of rejection, so we never seek other opinions. Some of us are scared of change, so we stay in our comfortable bubble.

I’m scared of success.

I don’t know why but the idea of actually making it is my fear. Not because I don’t think I’m deserving. Rather, the perfectionist in me is scared that the product isn’t good enough. It’s the reason I’ve re-written the children’s books over ten times. It’s the reason I have received ten different critiques.

I secretly don’t want to submit something that isn’t perfect.

Which is irrational, because perfection is not an ideal. Especially when it’s your first time. Inexperience is the reason you make mistakes and why you are able to do better the next time. I’m not going to let myself sabotage the opportunities and gifts I’ve been given. All I can do is be aware of my faults, change my habits, and push forward.

That’s all anyone can do.

So I submitted my book and I’m starting a new one. One does not simply wait, instead, one is productive.

Advertisements

Faith, Hope, and Pixie Dust

We enter adulthood and try our best to fit on the corporate hamster wheel.

We convince ourselves that job security and benefits are the way to find fulfillment in life. Until the day the wheel breaks and we find ourselves tumbling into an unknown abyss.

That’s where I found myself this week. I probably handled it better since I had been preparing all month for this event. I didn’t think it was actually going to happen, but sometimes your spirit prepares you for things.

After always having a job since I was sixteen and working over forty hours a week, I find myself in unknown territory. I have down time. i have an open schedule. I’m learning terms like severance package and unemployment.

Instead of rushing to end this period as quickly as possible, I’m taking the road less traveled. I’m going to focus on my true goal of being a writer. Not many times in life are you able to take time to focus. I don’t want to squander this gift.

Sometimes all it takes is happy thoughts to sprout your own wings.

Keep Reaching

It’s been a few days since I returned from the Writer’s conference and I’m still on cloud nine.

There was so much information, my brain was going to explode! Desperate need for some introverted time to let it absorb.

I met so many amazing people and handed out my business card (which I’m secretly proud of since I made it) to anyone who would take it. I whole-heartedly believe that these will be friends and connections will be in my world for a long time.

Despite the amazing fun to be had, there was also work to do.

I had a critique with an established author, who had a few revision ideas, agreed to re-read my stories, then gave me a list of potential publishers.

This is the best news, cherry on top, kind of day!

Now I just have to revise, resubmit, and for real submit.

Voices will be heard.

We will stand up for the bullied children.

We will start changing the world.

Keep reaching for those goals, because dreams are possible.