Posts tagged ‘introspective’

Self Sabotage: The Perfectionist Defense

I’m an introspective person and love to learn my strengths and weaknesses. Awareness is how you grow into the person you’re supposed to be.

Which is why, after 2 days of uncharacteristic laziness, I started to search inwardly.

I am supposed to be writing seriously and sending books off to publishers. I have the time, the tools, everything is in order, so what’s the hold-up?

The road block is me.

I’m the person who’s the motivator. No one else is going to do the research for me. No one else is going to print the manuscripts. No one else is going to send the queries.

I’ve put in all of the work. This is the moment, I’ve been looking forward to. This is the easy part. So why can’t I find the energy?

I’m a self-sabotager.

We all have a tendency to run from things that scare us. Some of us are scared of failure, so we never start anything. Some of us are scared of rejection, so we never seek other opinions. Some of us are scared of change, so we stay in our comfortable bubble.

I’m scared of success.

I don’t know why but the idea of actually making it is my fear. Not because I don’t think I’m deserving. Rather, the perfectionist in me is scared that the product isn’t good enough. It’s the reason I’ve re-written the children’s books over ten times. It’s the reason I have received ten different critiques.

I secretly don’t want to submit something that isn’t perfect.

Which is irrational, because perfection is not an ideal. Especially when it’s your first time. Inexperience is the reason you make mistakes and why you are able to do better the next time. I’m not going to let myself sabotage the opportunities and gifts I’ve been given. All I can do is be aware of my faults, change my habits, and push forward.

That’s all anyone can do.

So I submitted my book and I’m starting a new one. One does not simply wait, instead, one is productive.